I talk and I talk and I don't know what I am saying
maybe just to be heard, or for no reason at all
I speak the first thing from my mind every time
when my life is an open book,
and people judge without questions asked
I end up silent and hurt, getting akward stares
from people who will never know me
I look into the mirror and I ask
"who are you?"
I don't recognize this person in my house
in my clothes, waking up from my bed
I can talk to a friend and I will ask
"is that really what I said?"
so I scream and I scream and I don't know what I'm yelling
no one seems to hear me, but th
losing my reason
forgetting why I'm here
on this Earth,
or what to do with my life
feeling like a failure
yet I haven't even tried
making a living in this world
I am not strong enough
I don't have the patience
to be okay today
I just want to be
left alone, yet I don't
want to be lonely.
I want to be with one I Love
yet I also want my own time
can't make up my mind
can't decide what I desire
I'm not strong enough
I don't have the patience
to be okay today
maybe someday I'll stop dreaming
to wake up to a dead end nine to five
in a cubicle among hundreds
entirely replacable,not able to pay for
a martgage and a family
a
You had to escape
and I understand
had to avoid me for the night,
I hurt You.
I can't blame this on a beast
no creature inside my head,
the monster is me.
why can't I Love You
without hurting You?
I pray for peace in my head
and between us, no more fighting.
Just don't leave me, I'm pathetic without You.
I know this is all in my head, but it feels the same.
Scenarios playing like movies about lost loves
and broken hearts to be mourned for.
there is a desolate tree
that shows up in my mind,
no leaves, just skeleton branches
that reach into my imagination
it's a warm day, winter long forgotten
but there's no sign of grass
no life in this scene,
there is however
a sign of childhood memories,
a tire on a rope tied to a branch
swinging with the wind
there is something in the corner
looks almost like a man.
he does not have good posture
he just sits and watches
somehow, he is in control.
is he a hippy or a stoner
a believer in something better,
an artist or a poet
does he have something to say?
he must have lived an entire human lifetime
what does he have to show for it?
maybe he's not even real,
just an image the mind creates.
but I'm still just guessing.
at last, evidence of humanity!
he pulls out a pipe,
and enjoys his addiction
without restraint.
the answer to the question is
all of the above,
poetry stream through his head when he inhales
creates a masterpiece
little monster in the rain
shivering, but he doesn't feel the cold
he just feels hate
toward the reflection in the mirror
he's sick of himself
and sick of fucking up
he deserves any form of self sabatoge,
he only ever wanted to be loved,
but he's yet to understand
just how fragile trust really is
how easy it is to break,
his claws on his paws
shattered trust too many times
has he broken the same heart
he is exiled, by none other than himself,
he feels the pain that he inflicted,
he walks through the rain
alongside the glorified creek,
watches as the rain creates
a masterpiece of circles and reflections,
this is all he c
I talk and I talk and I don't know what I am saying
maybe just to be heard, or for no reason at all
I speak the first thing from my mind every time
when my life is an open book,
and people judge without questions asked
I end up silent and hurt, getting akward stares
from people who will never know me
I look into the mirror and I ask
"who are you?"
I don't recognize this person in my house
in my clothes, waking up from my bed
I can talk to a friend and I will ask
"is that really what I said?"
so I scream and I scream and I don't know what I'm yelling
no one seems to hear me, but th
losing my reason
forgetting why I'm here
on this Earth,
or what to do with my life
feeling like a failure
yet I haven't even tried
making a living in this world
I am not strong enough
I don't have the patience
to be okay today
I just want to be
left alone, yet I don't
want to be lonely.
I want to be with one I Love
yet I also want my own time
can't make up my mind
can't decide what I desire
I'm not strong enough
I don't have the patience
to be okay today
maybe someday I'll stop dreaming
to wake up to a dead end nine to five
in a cubicle among hundreds
entirely replacable,not able to pay for
a martgage and a family
a
You had to escape
and I understand
had to avoid me for the night,
I hurt You.
I can't blame this on a beast
no creature inside my head,
the monster is me.
why can't I Love You
without hurting You?
I pray for peace in my head
and between us, no more fighting.
Just don't leave me, I'm pathetic without You.
I know this is all in my head, but it feels the same.
Scenarios playing like movies about lost loves
and broken hearts to be mourned for.
there is a desolate tree
that shows up in my mind,
no leaves, just skeleton branches
that reach into my imagination
it's a warm day, winter long forgotten
but there's no sign of grass
no life in this scene,
there is however
a sign of childhood memories,
a tire on a rope tied to a branch
swinging with the wind
there is something in the corner
looks almost like a man.
he does not have good posture
he just sits and watches
somehow, he is in control.
is he a hippy or a stoner
a believer in something better,
an artist or a poet
does he have something to say?
he must have lived an entire human lifetime
what does he have to show for it?
maybe he's not even real,
just an image the mind creates.
but I'm still just guessing.
at last, evidence of humanity!
he pulls out a pipe,
and enjoys his addiction
without restraint.
the answer to the question is
all of the above,
poetry stream through his head when he inhales
creates a masterpiece
little monster in the rain
shivering, but he doesn't feel the cold
he just feels hate
toward the reflection in the mirror
he's sick of himself
and sick of fucking up
he deserves any form of self sabatoge,
he only ever wanted to be loved,
but he's yet to understand
just how fragile trust really is
how easy it is to break,
his claws on his paws
shattered trust too many times
has he broken the same heart
he is exiled, by none other than himself,
he feels the pain that he inflicted,
he walks through the rain
alongside the glorified creek,
watches as the rain creates
a masterpiece of circles and reflections,
this is all he c
I am the devil in the maze,
every turn I make,
takes me the wrong direction,
too many walls,
not enough doors,
I'm lost,
it's inevitable,
so many questions,
so many complicated thoughts,
powered by emotion,
I go in circles again,
cutting through the chaos,
providing perfect bricks,
I search for the love,
and rarely find it,
but when I do,
these red claws lets it slip,
I am the devil in the maze,
forever lost, out of control,
wishing for fate to take me away,
Current Residence: where the heart is Favourite genre of music: Rock,Heavy Metal, Punk,folk ,& Blues Favourite style of art: comic and graffitti Operating System: my mind MP3 player of choice: iPod Shell of choice: a mask Skin of choice: anyone but mine Favourite cartoon character: Peter Pan Personal Quote: Men are God's sketchy rough draft, Women are His perfection
Favourite Visual Artist
Salvador DALI, and anyone i fave and watch on this site
Favourite Movies
A Clockwork Orange
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Bruce Springsteen, Tom Waits, S.O.A.D., Pink Floyd, led zeppelin,GreenDay, RHCP and others
I've taken a long hiatus from my da account. Having about two uninspired non creative, frustrating and sometimes depressing years. I'm sorry to anyone i've lost contact with. and for the art and poetry creations of genius that I've missed. I'm gonna get back into my poetry/art/music parts of my life. I've been neglecting them. and this account.
A lot of shits happened since ive been away. my dad died about a year ago. a got a job, i managed to graduate from high school. my mom's lover lives in the house? maybe? i think? i got a mandolin, which is awesome. It's my new favorite instrument. I'm getting pretty good at playing it too. if i say so
merry Christmas people i know and people i don't. it's been a good christmas.
my amazing girlfriend got me a premium membership, along with some acrylic paint. my whole family got me something that has to do with painting, so i'll probably end up uploading some paintings soon. i'm trying to get better at that.
one of my favorite things about Christmas every year is hearing from family, especially ones that live too far away to see regularly.
so how was everyone else's holidays?
begining of school seems like a fitting time to update my journal. the only class i really enjoy is Art2, my teacher this year actually knows what shes doing, as opposed to the teacher i had last year.
i never know what to say in these journal things, i dont know why i even update it anymore other than to hide my previouse journal...
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the art thing isnt comepletly true,i also enjoy seminary alot, its a great way to start the day.
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